Sunday, 23 November 2008
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June 2008 • VOLUME 34 • © HORSES For LIFE™ Magazine 
"It all sounds very bizarre and over-the-top then you suddenly think ooooooops, hey, that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO close to the way it is for many, many horses already!!!!" 3. A horse’s life at The Institute A bit sore today after yesterday’s adventures, but nothing that Bunny’s beastly brew couldn’t fix. I got my marching orders for the day and headed off to see my charges who are, in numerical order, # 203, #232, # 236, # 321 --- well, you get the idea. I’ve gotta think up nicknames for them cause I’ll never remember all those numbers. Fortunately most of them have some sort of distinguishing marking. All except for numbers 343 to 345 who are identical gray clones. Even their dapples are in the same place! I got some felt-tip markers and colored in an inconspicuous dapple on each one. Now I call them Purple, Aqua and Red. The horses range in age from 18 months to 4-years old. Even the youngest ones have been started under saddle which I thought was a bit harsh, but I was reminded that SuperPrix! horses are usually ready for retirement by age 6, and time is money. Besides the Two-Year Old Draw Rein Futurities are veritable goldmines for the Rollkurova Institute. Bunny informed me that even if a horse is used up by the end of the competition, all he has to do is place in the money and he’s more than made up for the capital spent to get him in the ring. Here’s typical day for a horse at The Institute: Breakfast at 5AM. The automatic feeders disgorge a customized slurry of grain and ground up alfalfa in a corn oil base. This unappealing glop has the texture of cold oatmeal, but the horses slurp it up. While old Bubba seems to get all the hay he can eat, the horses in training get no hay at all! I’m told real forage will give them hay bellies. No wonder the stalls have steel walls. Otherwise the poor ponies would probably chew the barn down! In addition to their gruel, each horse gets a personalized cocktail of supplements: prebiotics, probiotics, tendon, ligament and joint support, hoof and coat conditioners, electrolytes, muscle builders, energy enhancers, antioxidants, anti-inflammatories, ulcer preventatives and mega multi-vitamins. And everyone gets a calming additive whether they need it or not. Then there are the “pharma- ceuticals” with long names I can’t pronounce, but several of which end in -oid. Since the FEI ruled that the only banned substance was baby aspirin, just about any “performance enhancer” is fair game, i.e., the horse can be as lame as a one-legged duck, but if he can pass the vet check (at SuperPrix! events this consists of walking in a reasonably straight line for 5 meters), he can compete. The trot portion of the vet check was removed because trainers said it depleted their horses’ energy for the main event. Besides, no one could keep up with the Most Extended Trot horses. Bunny still has a nasty scar on his chin from being dragged by the notorious Boltmeister. But I digress. After the horses have had time to digest their delectable breakfast it’s time for their first exercise session of the day. Depending on the daily schedule, this is either an hour on the hot walker (or Hot Trotter as the staff calls it) or in the swimming pool. Once they’ve staggered back to their stalls they’re given an hour or two to recover during which they get brunch consisting of another serving of nourishing glop. Then it’s off to the 5 meter round pens for some suppling work. Tricked up in a surcingle and Spine Cranker they spend an hour with their noses tied to their tails, 30 minutes to each side, sort of like what the Western people do to “soften” their horses. Who said that SuperPrix! riders are elitists? A great idea is a great idea! Suppled to the point of a wet noodle, the horses return to their stalls for, you guessed it, more glop. Then they get another session on either the Hot Trotter or in the pool, depending on what they did that morning. Then it’s back to their stalls, for more glop and a nap. Only then does the real work start. Tacked up in saddle, bruzzle and Impulsion Boots it’s off to one of the 18 indoor arenas for schooling. The more talented horses get the personal attention of Olga while the rest are ridden either by a staff member or an exceptionally plucky student. Their work day completed, the horses return to the barn to be cooled out (this time on the Hot Trotter set to “slow jog”), massaged, Rolfed and basted in liniment. On alternate days they also get a visit from the chiropractor or acupuncturist. Finally they’re dressed in their jammies (magnetic everything: blanket, hood, knee, hock and ankle wraps) and given a bedtime snack (more glop). You’ll notice that there is no turnout in the daily schedule. The management believes that it’s a waste of time and that the horses get all the exercise they need (I’ll agree with that!), plus they need to spend their down time contemplating the lessons they’ve just learned. Even more important, they believe that if the horses once get a taste of grass they will be totally unmanageable at show venues with their acres of lush lawns. Besides, they’re just too valuable to risk a bobble in the field. This training regimen is carefully designed to promote that essential state of learned helplessness and total submission to one’s rider. If the horses were allowed to mingle with their own kind they might organize a revolt! Well, I’m exhausted just writing this, besides it’s time for bed. 4. A schooling session with The Great Rollkurova Today I finally met my hero, though I must confess, my first view of La Rollkurova was less than inspiring. As ordered I’d tacked up Aqua, one of my clones, and led him into Arena 1. This is the largest of the arenas, a huge, cavernous space with seating for 10,000 spectators where Olga and Bengt give seminars on the finer points of modern equitation. During public presentations this amphitheater is illuminated to a surgical brightness. Today, however, the place was totally dark save for a pool of light smack in the middle of the ring. Taking the hint I led Aqua center stage and waited for Olga to make her appearance.
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An Equestrian Legacy